Our Life is Our Legacy.
Not just how we live it, and what we do during it, but how we communicate it, and share it. Our life is our legacy because when we die, what will matter will be very much about how we made others feel, the stories we shared, the love, the laughter the support, the friendship.
Because What we Leave Behind Matters
Yes, our physical legacy might be bricks and mortar, money, jewellery, collections and memorabilia. But our true legacy is emotional. It’s what we leave in people’s hearts and minds. Our legacy is the lessons we have delivered, how we made other’s feel, and the stories they remember that involve us. It is in the inherited traits of our families, the gained passions of our friends. It is how others continue to recall us, and how they recount us to others.
Part of our legacy, a big part is written in our final chapters. That last chapter, when we are still present and peo
ple gather and the ones shortly after, when they gather to mourn us, and after that when they have to clear us away.
These last chapters can have a profound effect on all that came before it. But none of us know when our final chapters are going to arrive. So, it’s important to plan ahead.
That is why I founded My Life, My Death, My Wishes©, and developed all the resources that are contained in it. I developed My Life, My Death, My Wishes© to ensure your greatest legacies. Those of knowledge and reassurance.
Providing people with everything they need to know about us and reassuring them that they can add in anything they need to effectively grieve for us.
The Elephant in the room
We all hope we never have to face the unexpected, a sudden loss of our capacity or our life. Yet we all also know that at some point, hopefully when we are very old, and after we have led a healthy, happy life, that we will die.
Still, conversations around dying and planning for it still remain limited. Even when we reach old age.
As a result, we do not always know the full extent of our choices. We might imagine or assume planning to be costly or complex. We might be frightened at the enormity of it or the reality of facing our own mortality. Conversations might feel difficult to start, so they get put off. We always think there will be a more appropriate time.
Meanwhile those we love, are reticent to bring up conversations about our frailty and the loss of us. They worry we might not realise that we will die at some point! And are frightened to offend or upset us. They’re concerned that they will not have the tools or strength to look after us or deal with what is left after we are gone. And they can’t think of us not being here so they, like us, talk in euphemisms and as if we will never not be physically present.
Planning Ahead
So often, even if we are so clearly in the throes of our final chapters, we prefer to live in denial or faux positivity, continue to skirt around the subjects of dying, death, and funeral. Or refuse to talk about it at all. Never mind putting plans in place and having conversations. Preparing “just in case”, when we are younger, is easy to never get round to. But our lives are rarely just us in isolation. What happens to us and the decisions we make will almost certainly, affect other people.
Surely as adult children, our parents deserve to know what we would want and need if we lost capacity. As parents, the same is true for our children, in the event of a life changing accident. Making plans does not have to mean they are final. In fact, the plans you lay down today should never we viewed as finalised.
If you are writing your life wishes in your 20’s or 30s, your life is likely to be very different in your 30s and 40s. In your younger days your plans may not need to take consideration of dependents. As you get older you may need to consider partners, children, pensions, aging health issues.
Time goes on, those named in your plans may no longer be friends, or may have changed their name, or died themselves. If you have solicitors or accountants, they may have changed. You may have acquired grandchildren or changed faith, or your opinions may have evolved. Governments and tax rules may have changed, and you may need to review financial planning and assets.
My Life, My Death My Wishes
Life is never statistic. When you make your plans, you should do so with the view to regularly review them. They are a snapshot of time and as your circumstances change you should add to them, remove from them and adjust them to your current circumstances.
I created My Life, My Death, My Wishes© in order to:
- facilitate conversation
- guide individuals and families through official and unofficial documentation.
- expand choice and empower you to reflect your true self
- ensure your care and wellbeing are at the centre of all decision on your behalf
- debunk myths and alleviate death anxiety
BUT ALSO
- acknowledge the needs of those mourning you and managing your legacy.
- ensure that your wishes are met whilst their grief is managed
- provide them with the confidence, knowledge and tools to act on your behalf
Because Endings Matter
Pre-planning for dying and death is one of the greatest gifts we can give those we love. I’m not just talking here of financial funeral plans.
This is not just talking wills, lasting power of attorney, lists of medications and advanced care directives. I’m referring to your whole story. The important things like, what and who give your life meaning. What matters to you, how you want to be remembered. The way others feel about you. How your choices might affect them. Then there’s where to find things, how to access them, from your favourite ice cream flavour to how to log into your social media accounts. From your biggest fears to your bucket list. Your environment, the scents and noises of the room. And then all the funeral issues; the caskets you’re buried in or what happens to your ashes.
The Legacy Lounge
My Life, My Death, My Wishes© works in harmony with the mission of The Legacy Lounge, of which I am proud to be a Founding Member. Their vision is “To create a world where conversations about death are free from fear, filled with grace, and approached with love whatever chapter of life you are living.”
And they’re (we’re) on a mission “to enable open and compassionate conversations about death, ensure your estate are well-prepared, and for you to leaving meaningful legacies to your loved ones”.
My Life My Death My Wishes© provides:
- end-of-life doula support – often known as soul midwifery, nonmedical companionship for the dying and their family as they approach death
- one to one care and legacy planning service
- templates and guides to create all your own legal and wishes documents
- a physical book called My Life, My Death, My Wishes – which is a comprehensive overview to all things, dying, death and legacy with signposts, prompts and space to write down your own thoughts
- celebrant services to officiate funerals, wakes, celebrations of life, memorials, scattering of ashes ceremonies
- facilitated meetings in groups or in families to help communicate, wishes, fears, needs and wants
- research and signposting to services and resources in your own area, to meet your individual needs
Resources
To find out more pop over and look at the resources available
Or purchase the book
You can follow me over on any/all my social media channels:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/berni-benton/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BernibFullLife
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bernib_full_life/
Vlog at You Tube: https://www.youtube.com/@bernib_full_life
Podcast: https://askacelebrant.buzzsprout.com/
Remember: Our life is our legacy
