Body Shaming, Body Image, Body Confidence

I am sick to death of being self conscious about my body. Like every woman (and quite probably man) these days we are led to believe our body is not ‘good enough’. So many businesses and industries rely on us not feeling ‘good enough’.

It’s always been the same, and what makes me really sick is many of the perpetrators of our bad body image, are women, So many fashion designers, women’s magazine editors, cosmetic and makeup developers, are women. So many (most) people commenting on our fashion faux pars (are they even a real thing, if you want to wear it wear it , fucking hell!). Comics and cartoons, movies, music videos, female music artist – all portray women as super sexy; unrealistically long legs; anatomically impossible small waists; disproportionately large eyes; gravity defying watermelon boobs; hairless (except on the head which is abundant with flowing, thick, shiny, tousled hair).

And not even in comic, photoshop turns real women into achievable women

So many people who force models to be unhealthily, (if not dangerously thin and often anorexic) in order to model their clothes; are themselves ‘real women’, yet they feel the need to force this fake image on us.

Even the men don’t get away with it these days, with young men becoming more and more body shamed themselves.

We are led to believe we are too fat, too flabby, too blemished, too old, too wrinkled; too pale; too dark; too uneven. We are sold false hope. And by bashing us with these constant unrealistic images and drip feeding us constantly with products and techniques to defy aging; to plump our lips/hair; to remove our hair ; etc etc, we are led to believe we are ‘not enough’ of a woman without taking on these products . And when these products don’t work (because more often than not they can’t I mean really read the marketing spiel… ” 79% of 84 women tested said they felt some improvement…”, for a start 79% of 84 is 66 and a third women, secondly who were their sample? Employees? Felt? That’s not a scientific word); we feel we have failed. skin care and make-up companies are always trying to persuade you to buy their expensive product by saying something that sounds vaguely ‘sciencey’,

check this post out about the bullshit sciencey crap these companies like to use to con you

I know people who pay a fortune to drink vials of collagen or dab on ‘live’ stem cell creams. …Let me say this out loud… THERE CANNOT POSSIBLY BE LIVE STEM CELLS IN A CREAM YOU RUB ON YOUR FACE (or tit, bum, eye bags) Stem cells cannot live outside of a very controlled environment. THE ONLY WAY FOR YOUR SKIN TO LOOK YOUNGER IS TO STAY OUT OF THE SUN AND DRINK LOTS OF WATER. And even if you do all that , the years will eventually show, that’s part of life. Check out this blog, its really a good-un, about stem cell bullshit.

Likewise diet pills or quick fixes. Other than having a limb cut off or having fat surgically sucked from your body the only way to lose weight is to burn off more calories than you consume.

Anyway, I digress. My issue is that the media, and industry have created an inadequacy within us all in order to sell shit so they can make money. So the only place we’ll actually lose weight from is our wallet. Keeping us miserable keeps them rich and makes us poor, not just financially but poor in self love.

And we should love ourselves. Whatever our size, shape, colour, age; despite our scars, stretchmarks, blemishes; irrespective of our body shape, height, or thin/thick/straight/curly hair.

Our bodies are bloody miraculous. They last us our lifetime. They see us through growth from baby to adult. They stretch and contort and spring (ok slowly deflate) back after childbirth. They feed our babies or let us get to shops to buy things to feed our babies. We abuse them with everyday life yet they support us. If we burn they heal; the scar is evidence of their survival. We laugh and frown and our faces retain the memory of that raucous laughter in the form of laughter lines – why do we hate them, they exist because we are happy! FFS. As our bodies age, gravity kicks in but we never end up tripping over our tits (and for me, after 50 years and with a G cup at times, I personally think that’s a fucking miracle!).

It’s bad enough that the media and economy constantly pump us with self doubt and inadequacy but what about our peers, friends and family. One elderly lady felt the need to point out to me how ‘fat I’d gotten’ since she’d last seen me. A relative told my hubby to ‘keep me away from the biscuit tin’. As it happens I’ve recently lost a bit of weight really.

It was for a few reasons,

• I had a very negative body image per all the above
• I’m getting on in years and am shocked every morning when I look in the mirror and its not the 18 year old me looking back
• walking in stilettos made my feet hurt – you try adding an extra 3 stone onto a point less than 1cm square – and I bloody love my heels I have a lot of them – I want to wear them, not just to sit down in, I want to strut in them!
• I was running out of clothes that fit and couldn’t afford new ones
• I was running out of clothes that fit and didn’t like trying on or like the look of myself in any new ones (refer back to the beginning)
• I wanted an excuse to cut down on drinking (yes, REALLY!!!)
• Mainly it was because I felt it was affecting my health….
• I was having to take antacid medication daily; suffering permanent heartburn
• I was snoring so loudly I was waking myself up
• My knees were starting to hurt
• I was getting breathless and wheezy when I walked
• I could barely breathe after bending to do up my laces

Now lets be clear, not one doctor told me or suggested I should lose some weight I just chose to as I felt it would help my wellbeing. And it has. And I’m still technically overweight; and according to those lovely little weight/height charts; still borderline ‘obese’ (now there’s a confidence booster if ever I needed one …)

Anyway I digress yet again; starting writing this seems to have raised a few ‘issues’.

What really fucks me right off and has really really REALLY made me mad this week is, during tweeping with my buddies in Twitterdom, just how many are trolled and body shamed by strangers on line. How the fuck dare a random fuckwit look at an innocent picture of a person and make a derogatory, pervy, negatively aggressive, downright rude comment. HOW FUCKING DARE they!

It’s bad enough that we don’t just celebrate our bodies for what they are and for the trials and tribulations they have seen us through; without some random troll being a …..well…random troll.

And it is this vain I am taking a stand for all of us women who only share pictures of ourselves (if ever) when we are dressed up; makeup upped; prepared and posing.

As terrifyingly scary as this is I am posting “warts and all” pictures of myself because I deserve to love myself. My husband deserves for me to love myself. My children and grandchildren deserve for me to love myself. For christ sake, I’ve spent the last 20 years trying to raise my son to be happy in his own skin, to accept and love his imperfections, to cherish his uniqueness. For the past 40 years I’ve tried to make my friends see beyond their insecurities, to worship themselves. I owe it to everyone I’ve ever told to get a grip, that I get a grip myself.

So this is me…..

….And if you are a flakey sensitive troll sat there vomiting and feeling physically ill from looking at these images then you can piss right off. Do you know how many fucks I’m going to give about you in the future. As for my friends, they won’t care. They love me. They’re not offended by the packaging. it’s the sweeties inside that matter