In my last post I wrote about how much I love a vow renewal ceremony, or rather a celebration of I Still Do.
John and I have been together 32 years now, we’ve never married, but we have on occasion, taken time out to reflect and celebrate our journey to date, give thanks to each other and share our dreams for the future.
We’ve done this with various parties for significant dates, our 10th, 25th and 30th anniversaries of our first date for example. At each we’ve surrounded ourselves with our people and celebrated our love, we (or rather I) have made a speech and we have given thanks, talked about everything we have overcome, all the fun we’ve had, all the adventures we’ve been on, how we feel so seen , loved and cherished, and how much we are looking forward to stepping into the future together.
The 13th May 2022 was a little different.
Prior to the 13th May 2022 the 13th May held no special significance to us. We decided spontaneously over a snuggly night on the sofa (most evenings are like this for us at Cerdyn Villa). Once John and I decide we want to do something, we don’t want to wait to do it. We knew, the only person we would want to ‘officiate’ such a thing for us, was my friend Dinah, herself a celebrant, also a celebrant trainer (I was her first student) and an internationally renowned mentor, coach and public speaker). We wanted her for those first two qualities. So having asked, we chose almost the nearest available date. The 13th May was a Friday, we thought that would add humour (or jeopardy!).
We wanted it to be low key, initially just the two of us but then quickly decided it would be so much more meaningful with the two of our three sons who reside in the UK and their partners, who we see as our daughters.
The Charcoal Hut
We arranged to have it in the grounds of Dinah and her John’s beautiful home , not far from ours in Myddfai. They sit in the dark skies area on the edge of the Brecon Beacons with their own small woodland and lake in which nestles a single and perfect glamping pod, their Charcoal Hut; John and I planned to stay the night.
The six of us got together for a fun evening with a starlit ceremony later that evening. The Hut, has the most delightful and well equipped outdoor kitchen and BBQ, plus the hut has a portable record player and a selection of old LPs. We took along a picnic basket full of singles from Johns teen years when he ran a mobile disco.
The six of us BBQ’d, laughed, drank and listened to the tunes, it was perfect. Even though it was cloudy and there was not a star to be seen!
Our “I Still Do”
We had suggested that our kids might like to express their thoughts on our partnership through any medium they would like, if they wanted to – no pressure.
John and I also wanted to say a few words… more accurately, John wanted to say a few words and I chose, as always to wax lyrical (after all why use 4 words when 400 will do , right!)
Together, with Dinah at the helm we created our perfect, poignant, understated service. A couple of meaningful poems and something funny. Some special tunes, Songbird. Lots of laughter, a good smattering of tears and truly meaningful, words (some scripted, some practiced, many adlibbed) . Not tidy, structured and time managed. Easy, honest, gentle , fun and heartfelt. Lottie (a lawyer) got out her flip chart presentation and proceeded to make us laugh and cry with recollections of our first meeting, how we bonded, and what our relationship had taught her. Graham and Carlie created alchemy in the form of a symbolic ritual mixing two different drinks to form one that changed colour and tasted more glorious than its component parts. And Jason got out his guitar!
The Vow
The Vow (Author unknown)
You are not the air that I breathe,
You are the sweet scent that drifts upon it
You are not the food that I need,
You are the nourishment of my soul
You are not my will to survive
You are my reason for living
It is with you that I experience the wonders of the world
It is with you that I triumph over the challenges in my path
It is your partnership that will lead me
to the fulfilment of my dreams
It is your friendship that guides me
as I learn and grow
It is your patience and wisdom
that calms my restless nature
It is through you that I know my true self
I do not take you for granted, I cherish you
I do not need you, I choose you
I choose you today in witness of all the people who love us
I choose you tomorrow in the privacy of our hearts
I choose you in strength and weakness
I choose you in health and in sickness
I choose you in joy and sorrow
I will choose you, over all others,
every day for all the days of my life
A Fun Evening and a Future to Step Into
And after the ceremony, the hugs and the tears, we sat around a campfire, the boys with their guitars, singing, toasting marshmallows, telling stories, laughing and drinking, until the wee small hours, before the kids eventually found a rural taxi and we spent the night in the woods. It was possibly the most magical, meaningful, life affirming of days only comparable to the birth of our children and our youngest’s wedding.
Life is not always easy. Sometimes it is bloody hard. There are times when we have been unkind, thoughtless, even mean, but in times of trouble or hardship we have always got through them together, we have survived and thrived because of each other. Our adventures are better together, even the ones we take independently. We are not the same people we were 32 years ago. We all evolve and change as the years and the world shape us into something new, something more complex.
Our lives , our minds and our hearts are shaped by the what we let in; so to still fit together we have had to change shape to. Our lives are fuller for all the connections we have made however fleeting. But mostly our lives are lived more fully, more deeply, because of the things we share, the experiences, the memories, the heartaches, the laughter, the mundane, the unexpected and, the love.
Time moves on. The world spins. People come and go. But through all of it, we still choose each other. And there is nothing quite like pressing the pause button as life trundles on and reminding yourselves just how damned lucky we are.
The Key To Love
The Key To Love (Author unknown)
The key to love is understanding …
the ability to comprehend not only the spoken word, but those unspoken gestures, the little things that say so much by themselves.
The key to love is forgiveness …
to accept each other’s faults and pardon mistakes, without forgetting, but with remembering what you learn from them.
The key to love is sharing …
facing your good fortunes as well as the bad, together; both
conquering problems, forever searching for ways to intensify your happiness.
The key to love is giving …
without thought of return, but with the hope of just a simple smile, and by giving in but never giving up.
The key to love is respect …
realizing that you are two separate people, with different ideas; that you don’t belong to each other, that you belong with each other, and share a mutual bond.
The key to love is inside us all …
>It takes time and patience to unlock all the ingredients that will take you to its threshold; it is the continual learning process that demands a lot of work …
but the rewards are more than worth the effort …and that is the key to love.
Thinking of saying I Still Do? Get in touch for a no pressure, no obligation chat about your love story and to find out if I’m the celebrant for you
