Reality check... and its OK... - Berni B: Full Life Celebrant

I keep thinking of blaming my lethargy, lay-ins, laziness and lack of routine on Covid-19 quarantining in reality this is my natural state.

I show you this…

but in reality I am more often this..

It’s TRUE! If I don’t have to be anywhere, see anyone in person, or have deadline to work to I often don’t look in a mirror, deal with my hair or get dressed.

Some days I get loads done despite this, some I flick from one line of thought to another, some I just do nothing and dose, read, eat and feel guilty or sorry for myself. That’s not my new state, it’s my long term reality.

I have said in previous posts, how I have mastered the art of looking busy and together, when in reality I am often, neither.

And that is the message I really want to press home today, because I know (some of) it is true for most (if not all) of those dynamic, got it sussed, mentors, motivators and positivity gurus I follow, and admire.

What anyone sees of anyone else is snippets that they choose to share..

Largely I am happy and content, but sometimes I’m overwhelmed, paralysed by choice or constraint, or simply unmotivated. We are all a sum of multiple parts. We all have good and bad days. Productive and wasteful days. Lazy and active days. Strong days and needy days. Share days and hideaway days. Even those of us we believe are wonder women and men.

And not only is that ok, its downright reassuring.

In this blog I’ve always tried to present myself warts and all. I think its helpful. I think it’s reassuring to all those people who think I’ve really got my shit together. Some days I have. Most I haven’t. But I’m (mostly) fine with that.

I knew for example , before quarantine, that gym and swim made me feel great, energised me, focused my mind and lifted my mood… but getting there was often a chore at best or a non-event at worst. Now with quarantine I know getting in the garden and doing something physical will make me feel great, but sometimes I just can’t pull on some socks leggings and a t-shirt and I don’t want to get mud on my dressing gown!

I have loads to do. I’ve made lists and sub lists…

I’ve always done this… I also write things onto lists after I’ve done them , if they weren’t on the list, just so I can cross them off as done!

It’s normal (I think).

Without time critical punctuation marks in my day I struggle. I always have. And self-imposed ‘fake’ ones don’t work for me… they have to be for other people. That’s why shop shifts, guest breakfasts, zoom meeting times are so good for me. They add some structure to my life for other people. And that has always been my motivation… other people and the deadlines and timetable I have in place FOR THEM.

So mostly I’m happy. Sometimes I’m not. Rarely am I organised. Often I’m unmotivated. Rarely do I get up early (usually only for bed and breakfast guests.. so, now, never), I often flit from one task or idea to the next, someday I’m productive. That’s my reality. And I accept it.

If you want to help me.. give me a task or deadline. Meet me on Zoom. Give me a shift. Ask me to collect your prescription. Any of these might encourage me to get dressed,, brush my hair or even slap on some makeup…. maybe not but I’ll get the job done xxx

From me, in quarantine or not… here I am