Hello! In this series I am expanding choice and looking at alternatives, I’m “rethinking funerals”. Todays topic is collaborative funerals, between celebrants and clergy blending their skills to create holistic farewells.
Life is about connection, collaboration, resect and inclusion. In this blog I talk about a real family (with their permission) and how the church and I collaborated to create a celebration of life that truly met the needs of everyone and delivered a service that was authentic and uncompromising, to the benefit of everyone in mourning.
A Blended Farewell: Reflections on Creating a Service That Truly Held a Family
There are moments in this work that stay with you — moments that remind you why honouring a life is such a profound responsibility. Every so often, a funeral becomes more than a ceremony; it becomes a collaboration, a weaving together of love, memory, tradition and individuality. Recently, I had the privilege of helping to create a farewell that did exactly that, and it has stayed with me in a way I didn’t quite expect.
A Supportive Friendship
I was deeply honoured to be asked to coordinate and co‑deliver a celebration of life for the husband of one of my dear friends. I’ve known Julia for 21 years, almost as long as I’ve lived in Wales. We connected quickly over are passions for art and creativity, our sense of community and local politics. Being self employed, creative and multi tasking, we both had busy lives. Despite this, our friendship was always steady and meaningful. I have always admired her hugely, and living locally to each other, we occasionally found time to socialise with our partners, her husband, David, and my partner, John.
David was a traditional, dry‑humoured man; I am, by contrast, fairly non‑conformist, (I can’t imagine any of you disagreeing with that!). So being welcomed into his life, and being considered a friend, felt like a genuine privilege.
Remembering David
I visited him a few times while he was in care as his health declined through vascular dementia. He always recognised me, and he always had this slightly bewildered amusement about me that made me smile. I liked him enormously and respected him deeply. He adored Julia, and he was a kind, supportive husband, as well as a loving dad, stepdad and grandad.
Over the years, Julia and I had spoken openly about end‑of‑life wishes and funeral planning. I knew she wanted me to lead his service, and I also knew how important her faith and her connection to the village church were. Their family had celebrated weddings, blessings and christenings there, and both she and David wished to be laid to rest in that churchyard.
Working in Partnership With the Church
Because they had moved away to be closer to family support, they didn’t have automatic access to plots in their old church. I offered to make contact with the local Canon on their behalf to establish the protocol and process when the need was required I liaised with the Canon on their behalf. Their home here, was always their happiest place, the place they wanted to eventually return to, and knowing that it was possible was a huge weight lifted.
Canon Pyke is a wonderful man: warm, humorous, accommodating and pragmatic. When the time arrived I contacted Canon Pyke again. We were both stepping into new territory. I, as an independent celebrant and family friend, was writing the service, coordinating with the family, and designing the Orders of Service. He was responsible for the religious elements. Alongside the committal, I would be offering words of reflection and a small ritual involving the laying of rosemary. Between the readings and prayers, the family wanted me to tell David’s story, deliver the family tributes, and introduced the music, including the hymn.
A Service That Truly Held Everyone
The service was everything it needed to be. It simply couldn’t have happened without Canon Pyke’s openness — allowing me to work within his church and blending a traditional religious funeral with a more personalised, celebrant‑led celebration of life. The combination was poignant, offering solace both to those grounded in faith and to those who found comfort in the stories, humour and the occasional touch of rock and roll.
It sparked something in me — a sense of a way forward. A model where families, supported by their church and an independent celebrant, can create a farewell that truly holds everyone, regardless of their beliefs.
Finding Comfort in the Sanctuary
Canon Pyke took a beautifully modern approach. Alongside his scripture readings, he offered personal reflections and gentle humour about the unusual service we had crafted together. I enjoyed his contributions immensely, and despite being an atheist, I found his delivery, his words, and the sanctuary of the church and graveyard deeply comforting.
It helped, of course, that the church itself is stunning — magnificent stained glass, rich character, wonderful acoustics — and that David’s resting place, overlooking the hills and the valley, was breath-taking. It was a crisp, sunny winter day, with patches of snow still on the ground. A perfect farewell.
Closing Reflections
That day reminded me that funerals don’t have to be one thing or another. They can be traditional and personal, spiritual and secular, structured and creative. What matters is that they honour the person, support the family, and create a space where everyone feels held.
Working alongside Canon Pyke, in a church that meant so much to David and Julia, reaffirmed something I’ve long believed: when we collaborate — when we allow faith, individuality, ritual and storytelling to sit side by side — we create farewells that feel deeply human.
For David, on that bright winter morning, it felt exactly right. And for me, it opened a door to what is possible when we honour a life with openness, respect and heart.
With Thanks to Canon Pyke, Eglwys Oen Ddu and the Harris family,
also M Jones and Sons Funeral Directors, and Aztec Printing, Llanidloes
In loving memory of David Harris 30th October 1941 – 16th December 2025
If you wish to make donations in his memory please send to Wales Air Ambulance or Many Tears Rescue
