Mental Health & Wellbeing, Other Random Ramblings

An emotional outburst

Sometimes emotions get the better of me

I’m feeling quite emotional at the moment.  and very conflicted.  My heart is aching.  This is an emotional outburst.  Don’t read on if you don’t want to hear me pandering to my inner discourse.

I’m having an emotional outburst mostly caused by things well out of my control.  You know, the big stuff like the agony and pain being inflicted in Gaza.  Then more closer to home the openly corrupt pylon planning and the supposedly democratic political system we are governed by.  But closer to home, I’m conflicted by human behaviour, suffering and inequality.

Little things, like unexpected loss, bigger things like assisted dying and body autonomy.  Closer things like forgetting commitments, or not being able to work out where the truth is in a social conforming system.

Calling out the BS

I’m fairly black and white.  I’m extremely open.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and my emotions flow out of me with little self regulation.  I won’t, at the age of 56, engage in any bullshit.  I distance myself from it as much as I can and I won’t play games, like pretending to like someone or ignoring injustice.  It sometimes gets me in a sticky situation though, like not being able to work out where the game ends and reality starts.  I feel out of control and totally unbalanced.  I get hurt, I ache from it.

I naturally am drawn to a role of advocacy and justice.  Of calling bullshit on the bullshit or, if not, for the sake of keeping the piece (even though it leaves a sour taste in my mouth), staying out of it or distancing myself from it.

Recently the status of VIP has really riled me.

Big things, that I’m trying to clear with regard to money mindset through coaching and belief coding  (thank you to Lisa Johnson and Becky Moore).  My view of (most of ) the wealthy is that those who have it are self important, out of touch, and selfish.

Money Mindset

I see millionaires, billionaires, famous people, never being satisfied with what they have, not appreciating it, always wanting more, always trying to evade paying their share.  I see politicians so out of touch with the man on the street (literally in the case of homelessness)  I see people believing they are better than or more important than. I see this expectation to be given stuff and be for us to be grateful for giving it (rather than in the receiving).  I see vilification of those with the least  I see the getting away with it, and the cockiness of knowing they can;  I see the never being called out and being outraged when they are.  I see never ever be accountable for their actions.

This sense of over importance and privilege has, over the last few months made me physically sick.  I am mentally affected my it and how people I love are drawn into it, taken advantage of by it and worse, pander to it.  It breaks my heart.


I went away with hubby for a night this week, a date to celebrate our 30th year.  We stayed in a beautiful hotel in the Maritime Quarter of Swansea and it was wonderful,  the two days and the stay were all perfect, the staff at the hotel were lovely, the food magnificent, the room very well appointed.  I had fabulous chats with wonderfully diverse strangers.

We got there and they had wanted to upgrade us because we were celebrating but they were full (on a Monday night) with a lot of VIPs.  I’m fine with that, I wasn’t expecting it and didn’t need it.  It was nice to be seen.
And an innocent comment right?

But it made me realise how much I HATE the term VIP .  Very Important Person.  Suggesting that some people are less important.  I HATE that so much.  Everyone is equally important.  Everyone deserves respect and consideration.  I understand that everyone deserves care and attention, they should all receive the adjustments they need to live safely and with dignity.
I realised that in our society, that only applies to the privileged, the VIPS, they get their privacy and security protected (as they should).  But those who live on the streets, or need special medical support, or additional social care, get it at best on a postcode lottery, worse on their ability to fight the system and self advocate.  I hate it.  I hate the hypocrisy.  I hate the pandering and the sycophantisms.

No-one is better than anyone else

I am not against success and wealth in its own right.  What I hate is its ability to make people selfish, greedy, full of self importance and grandiose.  (see this for more)  And I absolutely hate how people fall for the BS that surrounds it.  How we don’t call things out for fear of the promise of maybe a door being left slightly ajar for us to enter it; or how the system makes it harder for those without to stand their ground – the legal system is inaccessible to the average man.  And if they can afford to fight for right, the chances of them actually getting any recompense is unlikely.  The only winners are the solicitors. I’m back here sweating the big stuff, the Post Office Scandal, the Water companies milking the system dry for the benefit of their shareholders, Partygate, etc etc  so many proven wrongs, absolutely no consequences.

All the big stuff drives me to be really intolerant of its appearance in the small stuff, and it makes me really protective of my bubble.  I just want to exist within my chosen community.  With people who talk the talk and walk the walk.  With people who view everyone with respect, who advocate for those who need it and who see the value in everyone equally.  Love, empathy, honesty.  Compassion, consideration and openness.

All the other BS that is out of my control needs to be in the background.  And for my own sanity I need to stay out of the stuff that creeps into my foreground.  I’m not balanced enough to cope with a rocky boat.

Rant over


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