Blogging and Networking, Celebrant Views

It’s All In The Cut

its all in the cutIt’s All In The Cut

I’ve been reminiscing.  And looking back at some of the beautiful weddings and vow renewals I wrote about last year.  They were as perfectly gorgeous as they appeared, at least from my viewpoint, but no doubt the journey to get there was not all paved with glitter and champagne!  As a celebrant, in those instances, I get to see the highlights, the perfect relationships, without any of the challenges of the relationships that made them realise they were made for each other.  It really is all in the cut!

I’ve been thinking about my beautiful couples, and their unique and authentic love stories.
Then I started reminiscing about the beautiful couples with their unique and authentic love stories, the ones I met as part of BBC2 ‘s Ultimate Wedding Planner pilot series, and that reminded me about the response I wrote to a (quite possibly) justifiable(?) review in The Guardian, but more interestingly, my response to it.   

It’s all in the cut, you really could remake any reality TV show into something completely different.  Ultimate Wedding Planner could have been cut to feel cut throat like The Apprentice, or gentle and collaborative like The Great Pottery Throwdown or Sewing Bee, or creative and comical like Interior Design Master.  It’s the edit that determines the tone of the show and accentuates the personalities and abilities of the cast – both the competitors , hosts and judges.  It’s as much about what’s left out as what’s left in.

Blogging & Podcasting

What I often notice when I read back my old posts is how surprised and proud (yes proud) I am with their content.  OK I miss the odd spelling mistake, but I often don’t remember the detail of my content, the flow of the words, the intensity and authentic passion in the flow of them.  But when I read back, usually some time later, I often have no recollection of the content, but can relate very heavily with my own content.  It’s because it pours straight out of my subconscious and heart.

I don’t know about other bloggers / writers (and to be fair, I’m not a professional at either, same with my vlogs) BUT when I write or speak, I genuinely have no idea what’s going to flow out of my finger tips or mouth.  I don’t prepare or plan my blog/vlog/podcast content (and I know saying this opens me up to the comment “yes, it shows!”). In fact, quite often, I don’t even know what topic is going to come out.

How do you write?

Often I get an urge to write or speak, sometimes with a view to a topic, but often ,I just get a sense that there is something trying to get out, and I start typing or speaking.  On some of the occasions I do have a topic in mind, something completely different pours out.  It’s a hugely cathartic and authentic, intuitive process with some surprise results.  subconscious introspection.  At bit akin to my newly discovered , belief coding sessions with my friend Becki… things in my subconscious just presenting themselves when I just tap in, and help me make sense of all the ‘noise’ in my head,

Like now.

These words and thoughts are as much of a surprise to me as they are a first hearing to you!  I write like the thoughts are gushing out of my head, like opening up a “new post” page is a pressure release valve and the words and thoughts pour out.

Quite often (as may be apparent from the typos and punctuation), I don’t read it back properly.  It’s like I stop writing when the pressure levels out and a sense of balanced calm is reached.
Does that resonate with any of you?

Smoke and Mirrors

Anyway I was thinking more about how everything we see and read is all in the cut.  How we are constantly and subliminally being fed propaganda, bias and how, in the modern world, with so much information/misinformation at our fingertips 24/7 it really is unlikely that any of us know what reality is anymore!!! (Now where the fuck did that paragraph come from?!  Honestly, my mind!)

I think, what I’m saying is, we get bombarded with information/misinformation that feeds into our subconscious/conscious biases. This leads us to believe that this is the truth of the world .  Our life ‘feeds’ are generally of affirmations of our own belief, disproportionately populated by people who agree with our narrative.  And infiltrated by algorithms that leave us wanting, dissatisfied and polarised; or aspiring to unrealistic goals in soft focus or heavily airbrushed alternative reality.

Too Much Input

Our access to so much is the root to dissatisfaction.  We want and strive for a reality that doesn’t exist, one of edited highlights with none of the normal and mundane included.  The life we live and the life we perceive others are living is all a bit ‘smoke and mirrors‘ and we’d do well to try and keep a grasp on that

Take me as an example.  I mean I try to present the warts and all version of myself here and not just the good bits, but I bet you all have an impression of me as someone super confident, outgoing, with limitless energy, always on the go, with an answer to everything, an opinion ON everything and, to quote a well known song, “always looking on the bright side of life”.
In reality I am all of those things.  But just SOME of the time.

I am, also often riddled with guilt and self doubt, often second guessing myself, regularly worried what others think or assuming I’ve done or said something wrong.  I’m often overwhelmed and sometimes feel broken (and sometimes, AM broken), often vulnerable, regularly afraid.

I believe this to be normal.  Anyone not experiencing any self doubt, remorse or worry,

is probably a p s y c h o p a t h … or politician 😉.


So just remember, all the stuff you see and read is not ALL the stuff.  It’s edited highlights even with the best of intention at times.   And oftentimes it’s made up and not true at all, or massaged to make it more (delete as appropriate) exciting/ profitable/ caring/ clever/ energetic/ better/ healthy/ pretty/ altruistic/ considerate/ successful/ dynamic.

So remember, you are probably good enough exactly as you are.
Your success and happiness should bot be measured as a comparison to what you perceive someone else’s success to be.  Believe me, a lot of the time, they are, I am sure, faking it!

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