I mentioned death cafes the other day and it stopped the person I was chatting to in their tracks,
“What’s a death café?” they asked
“Is it somewhere that sells really bad coffee?”
It made me pause.
As a celebrant, doula, and end of life planner. I finally realised that some of the language I take as everyday parlance is more likely alien to very many people not in the industry.
I bet there’s many of you reading this thinking, “Never mind death café, what’s a celebrant do? What’s a doula?”
So here we go a little mini-series defining and clarifying these roles and how they might benefit you..,
Starting with Death Café’s and similar.
Death Cafés
Founded by Jon Underwood in 2011, Death Café’s are based the ideas of Bernard Crettas (a Swiss Sociologist and Ethnologist) they are basically group directed conversation about death over tea and cake.
Death Café is a ‘social franchise’. This means that people who sign up to them and their principles can use the name. Death Café. There are approximately 20085 running across the world, giving people access to safe spaces, without agenda to gather, listen, share and feel part of a supportive community, over a cuppa.
There’s more detail in my previous blog post here
To find a Death Café near you or to host one go to their website and sign up
Coffin Clubs
Kate Tym and Kate Dyer are trained registrars and celebrants who’s mission is “to communicate and educate and bring the tricky topic of funerals out in the open.” They now train celebrants who in turn might host coffin clubs in their local area. A coffin club meeting might involve a speaker, demo, or activity. For example, bringing along a flat-pack coffin and decorating it
The principals of both resonate with me. To take dying and death out of the whispers of dark shadows and shine a light on them. In turn, reducing fear, providing choice and empowering families.
If you want to know more about their training or other services go to their website
Life & Death Matters
I’ve just started up locally offering a drop in service for people who are possibly grieving, or planning for end-of-life, or fearing it, or caring for someone heading towards it. It’s a relaxed safe space to talk, listen, share, ask or simply ‘be’. A space led by those popping in and facilitated by me, and will become whatever it needs to be. I call mine “Life and Death Matters” – Coffee, Company & Conversation. How we conduct our life and our death create our legacy. And proper pre-planning and conversation is a great gift to leave your loved ones. If you’re a carer, an executor, a person grieving, a someone who has been shocked or surprised by something in a will or a funeral plan, you’ll know what I mean.
Life and Death Matters will take the intentions of both Death Café and Coffin Club and provide meeting without agenda combined with topic specific sessions, on a regular basis, in locations near me. They’ll usually be in a local café, pub or hotel. Public spaces that are happy for us to gather, where you can buy a drink, and settle in. Come along. There’s no need to book, no cost and no obligation to stay the whole time or speak! .
If you are not in a 20 mile radius of me in Llanwrtyd, check out your local area, as there is probably someone in your community, possibly an Independent Celebrant, who would happily facilitate something of their own near you, if they don’t already. Try The Association of Independent Celebrants to find a local person who might be interested in helping.
