Loss, Grief and Mourning
When it comes to loss and grief there are no rules; there is no ‘normal’ way to feel or react. There is no ‘normal’ time limit on your grief. There is no ‘correct’ way to memorialise the deceased. The way you remember, recognise and/or celebrate the life of a loved one is entirely down to you. But at the time of the loss it is often hard or nigh on impossible to think straight, to know what you want, or to take on the planning.
“you are perceptive, caring and generous. ” …Jane 2019
With an Independent Celebrant at your side you can lean on then to support and guide you. Yes, a person may have left a will detailing their last wishes, but remember, the service you choose , is in the end, YOUR goodbye, it is to provide you with a start to your own grieving process, so don’t get too hung up with worrying about ‘what they would have wanted’ instead combine it with actions that will belp you and those left behind.
As an Alternative and Independent Celebrant I can help you design a service to remember and celebrate the life of someone you loved. I can suggest readings and poems, help you find the write music, and put the service together for you. I can write or edit a reading on your behalf, and/or I can read it on your behalf. I can liaise with others for you; can ensure the timings are correct and guide you through what is likely to be a difficult day.
Whatever you chose for your loved one, a crematorium, churchyard burial, alternative burial I can officiate for you.
Rememberances, Memorials and Life Celebrations:
I often hear from people who were so lost in their grief immediately after a loss that they were too numb through the funeral or wished they’d done something they didn’t think of at the time or didn’t have the emotional strength to do at the time. That’s just two of the reasons people chose to have a second (or third) services following a loss. It might be on a date important to you or the deceased; their birthday; your anniversary; a number of years since they passed. It might just feel like the right time. There are very few rules for a funeral (mostly timings and paperwork) but with memorials there are no constraints at all. You can hold your service ort celebration anywhere you like; it can last as long as you want; and it can follow any format.
Again I can help you write and deliver the service, writing or editing your own script; writing your story; reading or providing poems and prose that are fitting; even recommending a photographer or caterer or venue. It’s YOUR remembrance. There are NO RULES
Scattering of Ashes:
Sometimes, a better time to hold a service or memorial for a loved one is some time after the actual passing of that person. Your head may be clearer. Following the initial funeral you may have heard some new and wonderful stories that you wish to share. Someone who mattered may not have been available at the time. You now have their ashes, maybe you’ve had them for some time but now you want to let some of them go.
I would always advise keeping hold of some, and if you do wish to scatter ashes, just scatter a few as a symbol. I say this for a few reasons:
maybe you chose to scatter them in your garden but later in life move to a smaller home or a care home. You may wish you had kept some.
Maybe there will be other places you wish to take a piece of your loved one at a later date
Perhaps another relative may want some at a future date
There are also a few ‘rules’ to scattering of ashes; you need to own the land or have written permission from the land owner. Also think of the weather. Don’t scatter ashes on a windy day.
If you are thinking of organising a memorial involving the ashes, I can consult with you and, as before, help you to find the right words..